youre lurking in front of me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
