I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
