i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
