I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
