I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
