I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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