4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
