im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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