you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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