I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
