Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
