dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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