Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
