he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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