on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
