Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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