I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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