He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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