He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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