2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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