Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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