like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
