i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
