Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
