her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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