We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
MIDGETS
????
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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