A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
