"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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