I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
