i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
