Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
