afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
