You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
