well most of my day revolves around power hour
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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