the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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