I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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