I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
