I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
