no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
