I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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