i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
