It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
