Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
