I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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