i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
