my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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