just come out here and I will go home with you...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
