Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
