my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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