Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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