I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
be right there i have to get my cape
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
